bert

Let me tell you folks, this 100% cotton classic tee is tremendous, just tremendous. It's the best tee out there, believe me. It sits so nicely, maintains sharp lines – and let me tell you, I know sharp lines – and guess what? It's trending bigly now, just like my beautiful gold sneakers! The kids just love them. It's true!

And let's not forget about the fabric weight, it's of the highest quality, maybe the highest anyone has ever seen. It's made of the finest cotton, not like those other tees. And let me tell you, when I wear this tee, people notice. They say, "Sir, you look fantastic in that tee!" And I say, "I do! Thank you."

And let me tell you something else, folks. I love to fart, okay? I love it. And let me tell you, I could possibly have the best farts. My farts, they're maybe the best smelling! They're off the charts, folks! It's true! Big strong men come up to me all the time with tears running down their face and say, "Sir, your farts are tremendous!" And you know what? They're right. My farts are maybe the best smelling, it's true, it's what they say.